Beetroot, Potato and Thyme Gratin atop a Smoked Kipper, Mustard and Celeriac Fritter with a Grilled Béchamel Stuffed Paprika Portobello and a Romanesco Cauliflower, a Serious Mouthful

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone on February 29^th 1876; Ja Rule was born on the 29^th February 1976. These two events have nothing in common except the date they took place on, exactly a century apart. With this in mind (rather strangely), I marched off to Waitrose to find a completely random collection of ingredients with no immediate thought as to what would come together in the kitchen. Now you may say that it’s impossible to select completely at random because to a degree everything you do has to be pre-meditated, and I agree; so let me rephrase. I marched off to Waitrose to find a collection of ingredients that I hadn’t used, or at least used together before, to make the evening’s meal more of an adventure to prepare.

Smoked Kipper: I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one of these, my lasting memories are of my father having them for breakfast a lot when I was a child, most probably a straight fortnight after a visit from the mobile monger.

Beetroot: Pretty colours, rich in flavour.

Celeriac: People are always waffling on about celeriac purée on Masterchef, for some reason they’ve become rather popular. I’ve only ever cooked one once so it seemed like a fresh choice.

Portobello: Sounds trendy, is trendy.

Romanesco Cauliflower: This is a beautiful looking thing that is half way between broccoli and cauliflower in taste, with a gloriously nutty edge.

I’m not the cleanest of cooks at the best of times, when I know what I’m doing that is. So when I’d finished this evening the kitchen looked like some sort of post-apocalyptic wasteland that would have Thomas Stearns Eliot reaching for his quill. However this didn’t bother me in the slightest, there are ‘thems who cooks and thems who cleans’. I am the former.

Ingredients: (Serves 4)

The ingredients are grouped into their respective components

2 smoked kipper filets

1 large potato, desiree will do, peeled and chopped into 2” cubes

1 celeriac, peeled and chopped into 2” cubes

3 rashers of oak smoked bacon

Handful of fresh chives, finely chopped

4 shallots, finely chopped

1 tablespoon of English mustard

40g salted butter

1 tablespoon crème fraiche

3 large potatoes, desiree again, peeled and very finely sliced

6 fresh red beetroots, peeled and finely sliced

2 tspns fresh thyme leaves, finely chopped

1 large pot double cream

Butter for greasing

4 Portobello mushrooms, stalks removed

Butter for grilling

1 heaped tablespoon of plain flour

50g butter

Semi-skimmed milk

100g Wookey Hole cheddar, grated

Smoked Paprika

Grated Nutmeg

1 Romanesco cauliflower

Salt and pepper for whatever needs it.

Method: (Pre-heat the oven to 180°C)

1. Grease a medium sized baking dish, 3” deep, with butter. Place a layer of thinly sliced potato on the bottom and then a layer of thinly sliced beetroot on top, sprinkle with a pinch of thyme, a pinch of salt, and a couple of turns of freshly ground black pepper. Repeat this till you have 3 layers, then finish with a final layer of potato on top, season with salt, pepper and a little thyme, then pour over the whole pot of cream, slowly, so that it seeps down through the layers. Put in the oven for an hour.

2. Put the bacon under the grill till crispy, take out and chopped into bits.

3. Whilst the gratin is cooking in the oven, put the potato and celeriac chunks into cold salted water and bring to the boil. Cook them until soft, take them off, add 40g butter, a tablespoon of crème fraiche and some seasoning and mash it roughly. Spoon it into a blender and add the smoked kipper before pulsing a few times so the fish breaks up into the mixture.

4. Spoon the mix into a bowl and add the chives, mustard, uncooked shallots and bacon bits and stir it all through. You will need to be fairly liberal with the seasoning and in particular the salt; there are some very strong flavours that need to be brought together and Salt, the most important ingredient in the kitchen, is the thing for the job.

5. Make a béchamel now by melting 50g of butter in a saucepan and adding a heaped tablespoon of plain flour and stirring it in till it gets lumpy. Add a little milk at a time stirring it in with a whisk till it thickens, keep doing this until you have a relatively thick sauce. Melt the Wookey Hole cheddar into the sauce, season with plenty of pepper and a little nutmeg, and take off the heat.

6. In a griddle pan (frying pan if you don’t have one) chuck a knob of butter in over a high heat, cook the mushrooms on both sides till they get a nice colour, a couple of minutes should do it. Take them out of the pan and chuck them on a baking tray bottom side up so they make a little shroom bowl, now scoop some of the cheddar béchamel into the mushroom and sprinkle some paprika over the top, before sliding them under the grill for 5 minutes so the spices infuse into the sauce.

7. Cook the Romanescos in boiling water for 5 minutes until tender, strain.

8. The final thing to do whilst the cauliflowers are cooking is to make small patties of the celeriac mix and fry them on both sides for a couple of minutes so they brown a little. Serve up the fritter with a slice of the beetroot and potato gratin on top, with the mushroom on one side with the beautiful Romanesco sat proudly on the other. You could dollop a little extra béchamel on for extra sauce, however the flavours of the creamy beetroot and sharper celeriac, along with the spectacular combination of smoky kipper and bacon, the nutty cauliflower, and rich mushroom covered in mature cheese, are plenty enough for your pallet. A success. RULE BABAAY!