Butter Chicken

I was saddened yet unsurprised to hear that a friend of mine came face to fist this weekend past, as a group of heathen youths stripped him of his mobile phone whilst he entered a night club in Brixton. “Unsurprised” not because he is an easy target or an arsehole, he has his moments, but after watching Britain’s finest making off through the window of ‘Hatworld’ this August carrying, well, hats; I’d say he got off relatively lightly compared to some of the people affected by the mass rioting. Who knows, if he’s lucky his unsavoury assailants may upload a poorly planned viral and lead the fuzz straight to their door. But I doubt it.

My weekend didn’t pass without incident either you’ll be pleased to hear. As I sat on the central line from Ealing Broadway in my very own carriage, a drunken Indian man boarded at North Acton and sat opposite me, at once engaging me in slurred and uninvited conversation which I tried my very hardest to deflect. The solitude which I had walked so far down the platform for had come back to bite me in the behind, hypothetically speaking of course. Or so I thought.

Having originally sat opposite me for his first few questions, the answers to which were: “No, I’m not married”, “Yes, I do have a girlfriend”, and “No, I do not want a sip of your beer”, he moved over and sat beside me, placed his hand on the small of my back and asked for “just one kiss”. As you can imagine my answer was a resounding “NO”, at least, it would have been had I not first jumped up and threatened to knock his fucking lights out if he didn’t get off at the next stop. The portly fellow who had since boarded at the other end of the carriage remained silent, a few more stops down the line and I moved to the next carriage feeling dirty and used, the ambience had been affected.

By the time I reached Old Street I was in reasonable spirits and ready to divulge my experience to my friends, I left the station with the spring back in my step and came across ‘young professional’ who was giving his phone a whack on the metal railing outside. I misread his facial expression and made a jovial remark in passing and was met with at least four fingers and a barrage of abuse laced with pure hatred.

They say that bad things happen in threes, so far I had been both sexually and verbally abused, my guard was up.

Strike three came at around 1am when after disembarking the tube with a friend I had bumped into to go to a party that didn’t exist, Natwest decided once again to cancel my card, something I wasn’t banking on. The tubes were shut and I had not a penny to my name, the ensuing phone call to my to my sleeping girlfriend and her piggy bank were received surprisingly well and I managed to make it home for £30 of her money.

I would like to dedicate this dish to Lachie, who took one on the chin for the rest of us. To my girlfriend, for having cash and patience. To the people at ‘Hatworld’, just because. And finally, to myself, for being felt up and talking about it.

Ingredients: (Serves 4)

5 chicken breasts cut into 2” chunks

1 large red onion, very finely sliced

2 cans chopped tomatoes

2 large cloves garlic, crushed into paste

2cm fresh root ginger, crushed into paste

½ cup of water

40g salted butter

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 tspn cumin seeds

1 tspn medium chilli powder

1 tspn cinnamon powder

1 tspn turmeric powder

1 tspn dried fenugreek leaves

1 tspn of curry leaves

2 tspns garam masala

4 green cardamoms, crushed

2 black cardamoms, crushed

1 bay leaf

Salt

Rice to serve

Method:

1. Poach the chicken for 10 minutes in boiling water, or until cooked through, strain and set aside.

2. In a thick-bottomed frying pan/skillet heat the vegetable oil and fry the cumin seeds and curry leaves till brown and aromatic, add the ginger and garlic, the turmeric, chilli powder, ½ cup of water, pinch of salt and garam masala, stir over a high heat. After a minute throw in the cardamoms, cinnamon, fenugreek leaves, bay leaf and butter, melt it in and stir continuously, throw in the onions and toss to coat.

3. After a couple more minutes of stirring you should have a thick brown and seriously smelly sauce, in a good way. Now pour in the chopped tomatoes and stir thoroughly, turn down the heat and simmer for another 5 minutes so all the flavours get right into the tomato. Finally put the cooked chicken in and cover it in tastiness, simmer for another 5 minutes and serve piping hot with rice.